Monday, January 12, 2009
I started to pray in my car today on the way home from Bible study at Molly's house, "God I thank you-"
"Don't talk."
I shut up. And I knew why I wasn't supposed to; this routine was becoming cliche. I didn't say "okay, I won't, but what do you want me to do?" I just stopped. My brain quit cranking, stopped thinking of things to tell him. I looked at a tree. Just looked at the tree and kept it in my mind and let the tree sit in my head for awhile, appreciating the way it looked. Appreciating this Earth God created (the way it makes me feel.) I didn't say "Thank you for making this tree," I just let the tree sit, and knew I didn't need to talk about it. Then I moved onto another image and let that image stick in my head. Me and Ruthann having coffee at the Lyon's den. Next: my mom. Next: sitting on swings at night with my friend Elle. Next: Imagining images of the friendships I could cultivate with the girls I had just spent time with. I just let them each stick around for awhile and moved on right before I felt I needed to talk about them.
I don't know why this surprised me, but God knows I am wound too tight, and he wasn't okay with being part of my routine tonight. He just wanted me to stop thinking and planning, and delight in the joys he has given me. It was only about four minutes... four minutes of not worrying about what was coming next. The way he got my attention though- it was like "I don't want to hear it right now, talking to me isn't something to check off your mental to-do list." God doesn't mess around, and he is not a push-over...