Underground ReLOVEution

I just watched Jesus Camps for the first time tonight.............How do I explain my feelings. First off nothing they did in the film shocked me at all, which scared me. I was watching my childhood unfold in this film. Words cannot explain the outrage I feel at this moment from the indoctrination I grew up in. Don't get me wrong the topics discussed in the film are somewhat legit, but the motivation of guilt and fear not so much. And what really pissed me off the most is the burdens placed on these children. These children sobbing and downtrodden because of issues such as abortion or whether or not Bush's pick for supreme court justice will go through or not. I remember growing up in that. Of feeling the weight of this "horrible horrible" liberal and ungodly world we live in. I remember being scared while I held up anti abortion signs in the ghetto with my family as the ungodly people with purple hair and piercings walked by and told us we were stupid, which is something as an adult I would do in a heartbeat......but as a child? I had such a tender heart as a kid and would cry over anything. What about God's love? I wish I had learned more about that as a kid. What about all the issues that were going on in my home that nobody in my church knew about or even "discerned' about. Never was there a sermon preached on the anxiety I felt as a child. Never did a youth leader really ask me how I was doing, if I was really happy. No, everything was about did I really know I was saved? Had I told all my friends about Jesus because if not then obviously I really didn't have him in my heart. I pledged to the Christian flag and did the pledges to the Bible. I sang songs about being in the Lord's army. Most of the kids that I grew up in the south with who were homeschooled with me or went to church with me, they don't know Jesus. Why? Because the real Jesus was never actually introduced or shown to them. After numerous summer camps of just sessions and no recreation allowed except for a game of dodgeball after dinner to stay active. These years were the hardest of my life. Because I was so depressed on the inside and didn't even know it, because Christians don't get depressed. My best friend growing up has become a stripper and is now an alcoholic and she doesn't even care. Another lives on the street and is a crack whore. I didn't meet a christian who was against war until i did YWAM when I was 17. I was shocked and thought them a blasphemer.

Yes, this world is a horrible place. Yes, our country does need Jesus. But guess what thats been the story of the world since day one. Our world has not gotten progressively worse....its always been "worse". I love this world. Why? Because I see God all around me in this world and I find it absolutely gorgeous. Yes, I pray for my government and yes I hate abortion. But guess what, putting that burden on your innocent tenderhearted children is wrong. How different would my life have been if it had been founded on the love of God and appreciating a beautiful world around me. I'm not ready to leave. I don't wake up every morning praying that Jesus would come back. Because by doing that I've missed everything.

I praise God that I eventually found him in my later teenage years. That I was able to disregard indoctrination. It wasn't until that point in my life that I was able to fall completely in love with my savior because I could be just His daughter now and not a soldier in his army.